Reflections for Year 1

An exquisite moonlit evening with stars twinkling overhead!

Exactly a year ago today on November 29, 2010, I closed on my homestead and started moving in! What an exciting day! It was a culmination of hard work and dreams coming true.

My first project as a new home owner included changing the lock. Interestingly enough, as I changed the lock and tested it, I accidentally locked myself inside because the new door handle jammed up against the old screen door. I was in a bit of a pickle! I had just bought a new home, but now found myself locked INSIDE! In true-to-life off-grid pioneering style, I escaped by removing the window and screen near the table. It took a fair amount of work on a cold November day in a chilly house using only my fingers because my tools were on the porch. I had my phone with me, but there was no WAY I was calling for help! I wouldn't ever live that down, LOL :D

All's well that ends well, because I survived that situation with my sense of humor and pride still intact...the most useful tools of life! It's been a wonderful year of discoveries...discoveries of life, myself and the world around me. Here are my reflections for year 1:

"You might think that such solitude what lead to introspection and soul searching. What I found was almost the reverse. I became so engrossed in the natural world around me that I almost seemed to lose my awareness of self. I certainly learned to be at peace with my own company.  It wasn't by learning to know myself better, it was by learning how to forget." ~ Neil Ansell

Neil Ansell lived off-grid for 5 years in Wales. At the end of his "Deep Country" video, he articulated so well something I’ve been feeling/experiencing at my homestead, but couldn't quite find the words to describe. I actually thought I might be doing something "wrong" because my writing has been reflective of my time spent outside and/or observing nature instead of deep ruminations of my soul/psyche.

This is the paradox I've discovered: As I "lose" myself in nature and see the interconnectedness of all things, I find myself! :)

Glowing night view of cottage porch/deck.

When I'm outside, I'm typically without a watch or phone/email. I eat when I'm hungry, drink when I'm thirsty, go inside at dark (summer time!), sleep when I'm tired (usually dark time!), wake up with the dawn. I used to check my email constantly, but now it will dawn on me after coming in for the night that I haven't checked my email or messages in 4-6 hours. Honestly, a year ago, I couldn't imagine going 1 hour without checking my email. My priorities have definitely shifted. I believe it’s part of my job angst: time spent on "the job", is time spent away from home, nature, me...and I feel a bit resentful of it. I know it may seem bizarre to hear because when I'm working, I'm predominantly alone. So what's the difference between being home alone or working alone?

At home, even when I'm doing housework, projects or chores, its play...and it connects me to everything else around me! I'm not separated, I'm integral part of the world around me in a truly tangible way. I have no fear of losing my place, being evaluated on my performance. I'm in my element.

At "work", I feel disconnected, working to achieve someone's bottom line with the fear I will be thrown under the bus & terminated if need be to achieve a greater “bottom line”.

At work I’m dispensable; in nature, I’m indispensable.
At home I can simply BE; at work, I have to DO.
At work, I have mind in pieces; at home, I have peace of mind.

My life off the grid is still in its infancy, yet the longer I'm off the grid, the clearer my vision about "the system". It used to be that society worked WITH one another; now, for the most part, we work FOR someone else. When did we relinquish our freedom? I'm talking true freedom! Yes, America is the greatest country with life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness...but our country is in debt morally, spiritually, economically, etc. And society is reflected in similar debt. The further mankind gets away from nature and exploits natural resources, the farther removed he is from self/soul. Has mankind passed the point of no return?

Planet Earth is our ONLY home! All of our systems of air, water, food are intimately connected...everything is inter-connected and affects everything else. As I grow in awareness about my food, water, etc I travel farther and farther down the rabbit-hole.  I'm evaluating what I really truly need...anything else is waste, excess, etc. Society teaches us to be consumers. Nature demands us to be producers. First and foremost, I am a citizen of planet Earth. No government has the legal right (i.e. legislated by men/companies for greater profit, power and control) to infringe on my created/born right to exist, to eat, to breath, to drink, to shelter myself. Profiteering from the basic human needs is evil; inhibiting people the inherent right to life is inhumane; preventing the change of a corrupt system is insane.

The laws of nature make sense to me; the laws of society/corporations do not. Society feels like a hostile, artificial, unhealthy environment. Nature is authentic in existence and reflection. Nature is the “winding, twisting path called Living” in a Chris Heeter poem which leads to creating “Intricate designs” upon our souls of an everlasting treasure! In contrast, the predictable man-made straight roads lead to stress, discontent, blind obedience to a system instead of nurturing reliance and honoring her/his own soul.

Overall we aren’t taught or encourage to follow our bliss, blow our trumpet, or shine our brilliance. We are homogenized by a society which tries to manufacture the illusion of permanence and security, despite the fact that everything is changing all the time. Nature is ever changing, in seasons and landscape, riverbanks and shorelines attest to the subtle changes over time. I love living intimately with the land, the seasons, the weather. I enjoy the rhythm, the challenge, the peace, the beauty. I appreciate the fragility and impermanence, the reminder that everything in life changes.

In October 2010, while I helped to build a Yurt, Jayne (the 73 year old owner of the Eco Learning Center) shared the wisdom of the yurt in reminding us of the temporal quality of life, that nothing is created or born to last forever. This temporal quality imparts a sense of wonder and appreciation for life. For nearly 30 years, since she has lived off the grid and inhabited buildings that are a little bit more than tents and huts, she can attest to the intimate connection to the earth, to the world in a way that is more profound than living in a traditional "permanent" structure. I believe this is why people are attracted to camping/tenting…the reconnecting to the earth rhythm, the reminder of the temporal that transcends everyday life. The reminder that the sense of "permanent" is just an illusion. I believe, this ties in with Robert Burney's teachings…it's the unlearning the lies we've been taught, grieving, healing and re-learning Truth as it applies in our life and to the world around us.

As Jayne shared with us her perspective and wisdom, I was reminded of the huge cathedrals (and other buildings) which have been built over the years with the intent to last "forever". I laughed to think of mankind's arrogance to think he could actually build something that would last forever, when in fact NOTHING does!

Further, I thought about the paradox of western religion, through building these cathedrals, attempting to "last forever". When in fact, shouldn't they be the ones to embrace, "this world is not our home, we're just passing through"? So in a way, does this mean that western religion's drive to build something to last forever seems to be a futile attempt at becoming immortal in way that he truly doesn't believe as the Bible that he reads teaches? Or speak of their lack of “faith” in their own tenets? Hmmm.

Outhouse pathway illuminated with solar lights.

The corollary of this is that those who are more closely connected to earth, seem to embrace the knowledge of how fleeting and precious life is. Hence "tree huggers" honor the planet, while western civilization/corporate America pillages and destroys the planet. To western civilization, nature is nothing more than property, something to dominated, used, manipulated, paved over, hidden, destroyed, subdued, exploited and "civilized". It's as though western civilization has a love-hate with itself, because in actuality, it is trying to subdue and civilize itself without realizing, there is NOTHING to subdue! All it has to do is live in harmony with all things. If one cannot live in harmony, then one tries to change, control or destroy others who are an affront to his own failure to just BE. It's the "crab in the basket" mentality to the nth degree.

I had no idea how much my life would change with living off the grid. Paradoxically, it’s nothing external (the “how” of life), but the “why” and “what” of life...it's realizing what's truly important in life and knowing that I have a treasure beyond measure that no one can steal. I have peace of mind, contentment of soul and freedom of being. Maybe I didn't need to move/live off the grid to learn and realize those gifts. I love the simplicity of my life, the rhythm of nature and being attuned to the changing of the seasons.

I have felt the most home in the past year, than I have in the previous 45 years combined. Maybe I am finally following my soul's leading and it has nothing to do with living off the grid. Then again, I recall Jayne warning me gently that my life will forever be changed by living off the grid…that there’s no going back. Not that I even want to go back. My soul has led me here...has led me home. I know that no matter the roof over my head, I have true peace and harmony like never before.

Here's to continued off-grid adventures wherever they may lead!